


Happy Birthday Puddin'

by alittlegreenrosetta



Series: Countertransference [4]
Category: Batman - All Media Types
Genre: Alternate Universe - Role Reversal, Birthday Party, Birthday Smut, Don't Cross Harley Quinn, F/M, Murderous Glee, Party Games, breath play
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-24
Updated: 2016-07-24
Packaged: 2018-07-26 10:06:45
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,219
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7570000
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/alittlegreenrosetta/pseuds/alittlegreenrosetta
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Joker comes home to find a surprise birthday party in his honor. There will be games, cake, and presents. For a lot of goons from a rival gang it turns out that Harley Quinn really knows how to throw a killer party, no RSVP needed.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Happy Birthday Puddin'

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ilmethll](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ilmethll/gifts).



When the Joker approached the house he shared with Poison Ivy and the love of his life, the Clown Princess of Crime, Harley Quinn, he was immediately put on his guard. It was unusual to return to the hideout when he’d been out without Harley to find things the way they were when he left. Usually some new sort of merriment or mischief was going on if for no other reason than to keep Harley from being bored. She was deadly when she was bored. But today he came home from fulfilling a long list of errands she had sent him on to find the front porch and every available bush and tree festooned with streamers and balloons and across the front door a glittering banner proclaimed the words “Happy Birthday!” in vibrant colors. He stood at the bottom of the porch steps afraid to go inside. As far as he knew Harley would never admit to real information about herself so it was possible that today was in fact her birthday or a day she had chosen to be her birthday just for the fun of it. That would be just fine except he had a feeling he’d be punished for not having a gift for her. On the other hand the fact that she had sent him on such an extensive trip out to do random things for her made him suspect this party might have something to do with him though it wasn’t his birthday. All in all the clues indicated that he was in for a very exciting evening and while he was slightly wary ultimately whatever pleased and amused Harley was ok with him. So he prepared himself for anything, walked up the steps, and opened the front door to the house.

When he walked in the colorful balloons and streamers theme continued everywhere he could see. He was looking all around at the various handmade signs he was certain had been crafted by his beloved when all of the sudden the woman in question popped up from behind a sofa and screamed “Happy Birthday, Puddin’!” at the top of her lungs. He couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiastic behavior. He headed in her direction to hug and kiss her, it didn’t matter that his birthday was in April, but just as he got near her he tripped over something on the floor. He looked down and saw that it was a pair of legs and they were attached to a man kneeling behind the sofa with his hands and mouth taped with duct tape. And he was one of about a dozen similarly bound men who were apparently hiding there to keep from ruining Harley’s surprise. The Joker looked up at Harley with a questioning look and she shrugged at him and smiled before throwing her arms around him and kissing him so thoroughly he forgot they were surrounded by hostages. Until their roommate Poison Ivy interrupted with a loud sigh. They sort of had an agreement to keep the public displays of affection to a minimum and she would keep her attempts to kill them both as low as possible. So far Ivy was doing a better job of keeping up her end of the deal.

“Harley? Don’t get distracted now, I’ve been helping you get things ready all day. Let’s get this over with.” Ivy growled out the last part which made the Joker wonder what exactly they were going to be doing.

“Ok, ok, keep your pants on Red, I was just greeting the birthday boy.” Harley replied as she pulled away from kissing him and started looking around at the men on the ground. “You heard her, you dumb goons, stand up and go into the next room; the games are about to start.”

As the men started struggling to stand up without the use of their hands, Harley grabbed the Joker by the arm and pulled him into the dining room. The decorations continued in this room but instead of being arranged around the table as normal, all of their chairs were arranged in a cluster in the middle of the room. He immediately recognized what was about to happen, she had set the chairs up for a children’s party game. They were going to be playing musical chairs apparently. There was also a cake on the table, but instead of saying happy birthday or something similar it had a skull and crossbones frosted across the top of it. Probably a good sign that he should avoid having any cake. And finally on one wall he saw a poster of a donkey taped up with a blindfold and a paper donkey’s tail sitting on the table next to the cake. Harley had planned the perfect birthday party for a villainous five year old. He just wondered who their guests in the duct tape were. Whoever they were he was fairly certain none of them would make it home tonight.

“Ok kids, it’s time for fun and games! Let’s get this party started with a favorite of mine, musical chairs! Now not everyone gets a chance to play this game because we didn’t have enough chairs but don’t worry, you’ll get to play the next game. Oh and the winner of this game gets a shot at living to see tomorrow so do your very best.” Harley instructed the men in bondage while Poison Ivy led half of the group over to the chairs and directed the other half to stand against the wall. The Joker was curious to know what exactly was going on but watching Harley have so much fun was reason enough for the party. Harley started playing a song on her phone and he quickly recognized it as Pop Goes the Weasel. A popular song for jack in the boxes but he suspected the surprise that awaited the person without a chair would be deadlier than a clown jumping out to startle them. After a few minutes she stopped the music and all six men rushed for chairs. The battle to get the last chair was as violent as two men with their hands and mouths bound could manage. Finally one of them head butted the other so hard he fell over and the chair was claimed. Harley immediately put a bullet in the head of the man without a chair. Despite her nearly hysterical laughter her aim was perfect and the man died instantly. The Joker took advantage of her distraction to wander closer to Ivy and find out what was going on. He didn’t even have to ask his question.

“It’s some new gang that keeps getting in her way. You know the heist last week where we walked away with nothing? These guys were responsible. So she’s been planning this party for you ever since. Happy birthday by the way.” Ivy told him quietly so Harley’s fun wasn’t interrupted. The music was going again and she was skipping around the room as the men in front of the chairs anxiously milled around the chairs.

“Thanks but it’s not my birthday.” He replied.

“It is now.” She was right, his birthday was whenever Harley decided it was. And really he didn’t exactly want to celebrate Jack Napier’s birthday anyway.

By the time they were down to just one chair the remaining men were barely able to stand on their feet, they had fought so hard to survive this long. Harley was clearly growing bored because the last round of music lasted so few seconds both men were taken completely off guard when it ended. After a violent match of kicking and ramming into each other one of them finally made it to the chair and held on as the other tried to nudge and shove him out. Harley put a bullet in his brain quickly and then turned to the six men standing along the wall next to Poison Ivy. The bored look she had with the last round of musical chairs was quickly replaced with a sparkle of excitement in her eyes.

“Time for Pin the Tail on the Donkey!” Harley shouted. The men against the wall all tried to take a step back hoping to be able to walk through the plaster behind their backs. None of them seemed to have the ability to phase through solid objects.

One at a time each man stood in front of the poster of the donkey on the wall. Since there were six men Harley insisted that both the Joker and Poison Ivy each take two turns at the game with her. They humored Harley and did as she asked. As it turned out they didn’t have any pins so they used a very sharp switchblade to pin the tail on the donkey. At first the Joker wasn’t sure if any of the men would end up surviving the game, both Harley and Ivy seemed to keep thinking the donkey’s tail should go at throat level on the average man and the man the Joker stabbed in the stomach on his first turn seemed to be bleeding out rapidly. But then on his last turn the knife wedged in a rib and while the man would have a very painful stab wound he looked likely to survive. Harley was delighted to have a survivor to play the final party game. She moved the survivor of their latest game into a chair across from the survivor of musical chairs at the table and then carefully cut a slice of cake for each man and sat it in front of him. She giggled maniacally has she tore the tape off their mouths and listened to them scream.

“Ok dumbasses, here’s the last game and this one might not leave any survivors, it depends on how well you play it. You are both going to eat a piece of cake made with a special ingredient that my friend Red here invented. Now one dose of the antidote has been sent to the leader of your little gang but he might be under the impression that it’s extremely valuable and worth selling. You might have to kill him to get it. So whoever makes it there and gets the antidote lives. Everyone else dies. And the next person to cross me in Gotham is going to die so painful you’ll wish you’d lost at the party games. Got it?” Harley explained the rules of the game to the two men at the table. They looked at her in horror the entire time she was talking.

“Lady, you are one evil bitch.” One of the men said, expressing what might very well be his dying words. He was lucky that Harley wanted to play her game more than she wanted to kill him quick.

“Oh I don’t think I’m evil. I might be hyper violent and easily bored but I don’t think that makes me evil. Now eat your fucking cake before you bore me!” She shouted the last order in the man’s face. Both men stared down at the cake. Their hands were still bound so they went face first into the slices and choked down what might be their last meal. As soon as Harley decided they had eaten enough she cut the tape around their hands and each man ran out of the hideout as quickly as they could. Harley started laughing so hard she doubled over.

“I was going to offer them a ride into town but if they prefer to get some exercise I guess that’s their business. How long before they keel over, Red?”

“Running like that, maybe half an hour. We’ll have to go dispose of the bodies. It’s probably easier if I just catch up with them and drive them to their hideout, then the bodies are someone else’s problem.” Ivy said with a sigh.

“Do what you like Red, it’s time for me to give my Puddin’ his birthday present.” Harley gave the Joker a leer that he liked very much.

“Oh well then I’m definitely out of here.” Ivy left the room and they heard the front door slam behind them.

“Ready for your present Puddin’? You have to blow out your candle and make a wish first though.” Harley said in an excited teasing voice. The party had clearly delighted her and her good mood made him smile madly back at her.

“All I want is you Harley.” He replied while trying to get his arms around her but she stepped out of his reach and then pulled him to their bedroom by his jacket lapel. He followed along excitedly, whatever his present was he was fairly certain it involved sex with Harley. With her sex drive that was sort of the gift that kept on giving but he could never get enough of her.

“Lay down.” Harley ordered and he wasn’t sure if she was talking to him or the hyena pups that had stood up and headed towards them as soon as Harley opened the door. All three of Harley’s pets obeyed quickly.

“Get undressed.” Apparently the orders were for him and not their pets. He again did as he was told.

The Joker was stretched out on his back on their bed when Harley climbed onto the bed with a candle in one hand and a scrap of fabric in the other. She dangled the blindfold from their earlier party game in front of his face and then put it around his head. This was actually not enjoyable for him. He didn’t mind Harley getting as kinky as she wanted but he didn’t like not being able to see her. He heard the click of a lighter and then a small giggle that, coming from Harley, was a little frightening. It was her “oh goody I get to hurt someone” giggle. He jumped when he suddenly felt a point of searing pain on the skin of his chest. It quickly died to a warm feeling and then nothing at all but was followed by other similar flashes of hot pain. Harley was dripping candle wax on his chest. The initial contact of the hot wax hurt but not too badly and then it felt kind of nice before the wax cooled, he could think of worse things to do on his new birthday. He was starting to enjoy it even when Harley started swearing and the wax stopped.

“Oh fuck! God damn it!” She shouted in a shrill panicked voice. Harley sounding panicked while holding a lit candle did not bode well for anyone.

“What happened?” The Joker asked quietly hoping they weren’t about to die in a house fire.

“Bud jumped on the bed and accidentally got wax in his fur. Stupid fucking candle.” Harley sounded annoyed and he heard what he thought was the sound of her throwing the candle against the wall. Hopefully no longer lit. You never knew with Harley.

“Well I guess if the candle is no good something else will have to get blown instead.” Her voice dripped with promises of sexual delight.

The Joker felt her small hand wrap around his cock and squeeze firmly before her warm mouth encompassed the rest of his length. When he was still Jack Napier and studied social sciences in college he had heard it argued that sucking a cock was the ultimate sexual act of submission, that no woman could be dominant while doing it. He’d had his doubts that this was really true even then but no one would believe that argument after Harley went down on them. He had never felt more submissive than lying there with his murderous darling amusing herself by toying with his dick. And toying really was the best way to describe what she was doing because every touch was about her entertainment. Sometimes that meant playfully exploring him with her tongue, sometimes it meant finding out what sounds he made when she bit him in various spots with various intensities. She was never cruel really, always more playful than anything and she always got him off eventually, usually giggling and squealing with delight at watching his cock erupt and spurt for her.

Watching Harley Quinn grin her wicked grin at him after running her tongue up the length of his cock would be the best present he’d ever gotten but unfortunately he still had the stupid blindfold on. He wouldn’t normally go against Harley’s wishes but he couldn’t resist watching her go down on him and carefully rubbed his head against the pillow to shift the blindfold up just enough that he could peer out under the edge and watch his clown princess go to work on his cock. She licked and lapped at his erection like it was an ice cream cone about to melt in the sun, fast long licks with swirls of her tongue around the head. And soon he was dripping precome for her to lick up. He could see the clear fluid shining on her tongue as she gathered it up before swallowing it. Soon she was sucking the tip into her mouth and scraping her teeth against it in a way that scared him but also thrilled him. It didn’t hurt, it was more the threat of pain. The Joker had found long ago that he liked the threat of pain from Harley a great deal. As she took more of his length into her mouth, the warm wet suction felt so much like heaven that he could tell he was going to come at any moment. Harley could tell too, she squeezed his balls and started humming a little song around the cock filling her mouth. He realized it was Happy Birthday and started to laugh but the vibrations of her humming pushed him past the point of no return and he instead cried out with pleasure as Harley stroked and sucked him to completion. His laughter returned as soon as he finished coming, Harley joining in with her own mad giggles as soon as she no longer had her mouth full.

“Thank you Harley, that was the best birthday present I’ve ever received.” The Joker said sincerely as Harley removed his blindfold. If she noticed he’d moved it she didn’t say anything.

“Glad you liked it Puddin’. I don't recommend eating the cake but I can offer you something else delicious if you like.” Harley wasn’t particularly subtle as she started pulling off her clothes while offering him a birthday treat.

“Please.” It was the only response he could come up with while staring at her beautiful body. She preened a little, enjoying his adoring gaze before climbing on top of him and lowering her pussy onto his mouth.

The Joker immediately found her wet slit with his tongue and started fucking her with it. He couldn’t contain his desire to lick up as much of her juices as he could and curled his tongue inside her channel to pull out every bit of her honey he could as he lapped at her. Harley’s usual symphony of squeals and cries of pleasure was ringing in his ears as he devoured her. Even as he thrilled her with his mouth she still looked for games to play and after a few minutes of pleasure she brought her thighs together over his face cutting off his access to air with a giggle. He wasn’t going to get to breathe until she decided he could so he just threw himself into licking and sucking at her clit and hoped to please her enough he got to take a breath. It took longer than he expected before her thighs parted and he gasped desperately for air, his lungs burning for oxygen. But the moment he felt he’d had enough to survive he immediately returned to lapping at Harley’s pussy. The taste and smell of her always made him rock hard so he started stroking and squeezing his cock. Harley continued to play her little breath control game, laughing at him when desperation for air caused him to grip her thighs as his only way to beg for her to part them again. Still, every time she cut off his oxygen supply he felt light headed and the pleasure of tasting her pussy and stroking himself increased to an even more blissful level. He was getting close to coming again and he could tell by how irregular and desperate her panting had gotten that she was as well.

“Mine!” Harley growled while slapping his hand away from his cock like a child who suddenly realized someone else was playing with a toy she had cast aside. She moved off his face and he was afraid she was angry but instead she seemed determined to prove she wasn’t done with that toy after all and quickly sank down on his shaft.

It wasn’t the first time Harley had gotten fierce about claiming his body as hers but he loved it every time. It was the closest she was ever going to get to saying she loved him and he loved her so desperately that he couldn’t help but treasure her possessiveness. And she was making it clear his cock was hers with every hard slam down on it with her wet pussy. She’d probably be bruised tomorrow from fucking him so roughly and he knew he’d be sore but it felt amazing right now. And the pain later would just be a reminder of this pleasure, the idea of that sent chills through the Joker’s body. He wasn’t sure how much longer he could hold back from coming a second time and Harley hadn’t even come once yet. He couldn’t disappoint her so he reached his hand between their bodies and started gently rubbing and tugging at her clit. He’d learned a lot about her body in the few months they’d been together, thanks largely to her voracious sexual appetite but also because of his own desire to constantly find new ways to please her. As soon as he had rubbed enough that she started screaming out with her climax he kept his hand in motion but pulled and pinched her roughly, knowing the effect it would have on her. And it worked, instead of coming down from the peak of her orgasm she just soared right into the next one, wailing and punching his chest with her little fists to deal with the intensity of what she was feeling. More bruises for him to affectionately poke at tomorrow. As soon as she flopped down on him like a ragdoll he grabbed her hips and thrust up into her to quickly find his own release with a series of loud groans.

They laid there together panting and sighing until the Joker realized that the villainess on top of him was either asleep or very near it. Her deep even breathing on his chest was the most calming thing he’d ever felt which was pretty amusing coming from Harley, she was a lot of things but a calming influence was not generally one of them. But exhausted from sex and her exciting day of party planning and murderous revenge, she was peaceful and warm and felt like a blanket of tranquility. He stroked her hair gently to keep from disturbing her, loving the feel of each silky strand he could get between his fingers. Finally certain she had drifted off he closed his eyes and started to allow himself to do the same. And then she lifted her head off his chest and looked at him drowsily with a silly grin on her face.

“Puddin’, we almost forgot your birthday spankings. After all we don’t want you to have bad luck, you might end up in Arkham. I’ll take care of it after I have a little nap.” And then with a quiet feminine giggle she laid her head back down on his chest and seemed to go to sleep finally.

Spanking? The Joker was filled with a mixture of anticipation and dread at the thought of Harley spanking him. For him it would either be very fun or terrifyingly painful but for Harley it would all be just another wonderful game. And while he lived to please her, he was hoping this was more of a naughty vixen spanking and not a blood thirsty villainess beating. He decided to put it out of his mind and just enjoy the feeling of his beloved harlequin in his arms. He felt one of the hyenas jump up on the bed and curl up near his feet and while he didn’t share Harley’s excitement over their pets sleeping on the bed the warm fur did feel pretty nice at the moment and lent a little extra air of domestic tranquility to the moment. He shut his eyes and breathed in the scent of Harley’s hair while stroking her skin and started to fall asleep himself. He tried in his last moments of consciousness to remember what today’s date was. If it was his new birthday he really should make note of it. It had been the very best birthday he’d ever had, but then every day with Harley Quinn outshone the one before it.

 


End file.
